Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
