Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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