i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
