is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
