I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
