North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Im part way to drunk.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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