I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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