im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
