It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
