glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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