Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
