I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
