My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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