Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
