Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
