so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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