you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
did you just send me my own nude
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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