The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
