so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
