if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
