I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Randomize