dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
