I want to have your abortion
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize