I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
