i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
