I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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