He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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