I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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