When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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