While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
