My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Pooping to opera.
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