i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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