you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
