i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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