just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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