so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
