Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
