I could have mohawked her pubes.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
