Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
