Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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