yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
