He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
