Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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