Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
