There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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