I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
