Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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