No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
