So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
