Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
