How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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