Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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