The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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