I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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