I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
