your parents love me but you hate me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
