is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
