So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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