nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
