woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
