Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
