take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
