i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We had to coat check the pizza.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
