If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
