What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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