He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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