Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize