Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
