she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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