Got a toothbrush?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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