I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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