On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she looked like the before picture.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
