You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
