I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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