I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
