And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
