I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
