Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
