Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you never un-have a 4some
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
