I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
